When People Leave
Have you got a minute?
We’ve all been there.
For once, you’re having a solid day. Progress is steady, meetings are light, and your task list is moving. Then Alice walks up to your desk, one of your best people. She makes eye contact and raises her eyebrows.
”Have you got a minute?"
"Sure,” you reply, heading into the nearest empty meeting room.
Something feels off. The air is heavier.
“I… just wanted to let you know that I’ve been offered a role elsewhere. It seems like a great opportunity, so I’d like to tell you that I’m handing in my notice and I’ll be leaving.”
And like that, your day takes a turn.
This happens
It always stings. Especially as a manager, because your output is tied to your team. Losing someone great feels personal, operationally painful, and raises uncomfortable questions:
How will the project ship without Alice? Will Andy and Ben follow her? Why did she really leave?
And the bigger one: Could I have done something to prevent it?
People are always going to leave. Especially in tech. According to 2017 data, the average tenure at top tech companies is 1 to 2 years. That’s a far cry from the 18-year careers our parents knew.
Your job isn’t to prevent everyone from leaving. That’s a losing game. Your job is to make sure that when they do leave, they’re leaving for good reasons, and with your full support.
Good Reasons for Leaving
There are lots of valid reasons for someone to move on. Your job is to recognize them as such, and handle the transition with professionalism and grace.
1. New opportunities
Sometimes there’s nowhere else to go in your org. They want to step into a lead role, and that spot doesn’t exist right now. Or they’ve always dreamed of joining an early-stage startup. Or reuniting with friends on a new project. That’s not failure, it’s evolution.
2. Family and location
Their partner got a job across the country. They’re relocating to care for aging parents. They want their kids to attend a specific school. These decisions go beyond work. Don’t try to fix them. Be supportive.
3. Life-changing compensation
If someone’s offered a package that changes the financial trajectory of their life or their family’s, your response should be congratulations. That’s a win, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
What to do
When someone leaves for the right reasons, facilitate it. Align on a handover plan, agree on a final working date, help with references, and thank them for their contribution. Leave the door open. People often come back.
Bad Reasons for Leaving
These are harder to stomach, because they often indicate something preventable. Andy Grove called these “zingers”. Resignations that catch you off guard.
The root issue is usually the same: lack of open communication.
A few classic scenarios:
1. Compensation resentment
They were disappointed with their raise, or lack of one, but didn’t feel safe telling you. A recruiter reached out, and the offer was too good to ignore.
2. Team conflict
They’ve been quietly struggling to work with someone on the team. You never knew. Now, after six months of frustration, they’re gone.
3. Unclear progression
You thought they were happy in their role. Turns out they’ve been hungry for leadership, but didn’t think they could grow into that here.
4. Boredom
They’ve been stuck maintaining a legacy API and itching to try their hand at real-time data pipelines. They assumed there was no room to move sideways.
What’s really happening?
These aren’t performance issues. They’re communication failures, usually from both sides. The fix is ongoing, open, honest dialogue. If you listen early, you’ll rarely be blindsided later.
Should You Try to Negotiate?
It depends.
If this person is leaving for good reasons and you’ve got a strong relationship, it’s worth exploring what would change to help them stay. Team moves, new challenges, flexibility, compensation. Be thoughtful. Sometimes the train has already left the station.
If this is a bad leaver and you’re hearing their issues for the first time, tread carefully. Trust has likely eroded. Even if you get them to stay, that dynamic is hard to rebuild, and you might be back here in six months.
And You’re Still Here
When someone leaves, it feels personal. It feels lonely. Take a step back.
If they left for good reasons, it wasn’t about you.
If they left for bad reasons, take the lesson, improve, and move on.
You’re still here. You still have a team. Every exit is a chance to make the next experience better, for them and for you.
Your job isn’t to keep people forever.
Your job is to help them grow, even if that means growing beyond your team.
Do that and you’ll earn their respect. You might work together again someday.